Throw The Phone Out The Window

Today was definitely a Monday. I woke early to make sure phone calls were made to all the dr offices before taking peeps to their 1st orthodontist appt. That went ok mostly,  kels had some tears,  but doing better now.

Today was supposed to be the day to put all our ducks in a row. MA and Dr were both out of the office today,  and I ended up leaving multiple messages with 2 new gals at the office, and ended up not getting any calls back until I had to really make some noise about specific concerns right at the end of the day. 

Close to the end of the business day I ended up on one phone with TRICARE pharmacy and preston ended up on his phone with the infusion office to try to track down why things were not in place.

I talked with a gal who was super nice and patient as I expressed my concerns. We found out today that my chemo med is coming via USPS instead of via 2 day special shipping. I found out that it will most likely take 5-7 business days to get here. I discovered many more questions than could be answered,  esp about the med and safety concerns - highly controlled substance,  is it going to be damaged by heat or excessive travel,  etc. Gal said she couldn't understand why it hadn't gone through the specialty pharmacy. We found out that we will be totally responsible for shipping costs if USPS does not work....sigh

Speaking of costs - the shipment includes 2 months of meds - for a grand total of $13K. She was shocked at the sticker price. A huge blessing is that she said it looked like we have met all of our deductible  (not a big surprise) and the entire amount would be covered. I am afraid to even think about the $ for all my tests and meds and injections (no $ known for those yet) from now until 2yrs+. I am truly grateful to heavenly father for reassuring me in a recent blessing that all the physical and financial things will be taken care of.  That I need not worry,  that He is preparing the way for me, and our family,  to do this thing that he is asking of us.

The gal did her best to answer my ??? and told me she was impressed with my attitude.  I was trying SO hard to be calm even when things seemed to become even more of a problem,  I was happy it came through that way. She wished me well and even though we were not able to find answers,  she was kind enough to try.

Preston and I both ended up talking with the gal at the infusion office.  They couldn't see any of the authorizations yet,  even though we could and preston had all the info for the office. I spent time trying to explain why we needed the appt,  but not having ducks in a row,  and unable to do anything until infusion had their stuff in place. Thankfully by the end of the day,  Preston gave them all the info they needed AND got an appt for me! He is awesomely amazing!

I tried the oncolgy office one more time. I talked to same person I talked to at 830am. Found out she was new and that neither dr or MA I had been waiting to talk to had even been in the office all day (ggrrr). I finally expressed enough distress to actually talk to a different MA to express my concerns and let her know we had done all the work with insurance and pharmacy. Really all she could do at that point was take another message that,  I hope, dr MA will answer tomorrow....sigh....the whole day has been so discouraging knowing/hoping to be on a specific time table.

On top of this there was a miscommunication about us taking in a meal to a couple in need in our ward. I didn't even know we were supposed to take anything until I got a phone call from the husband.  I have to admit I was frantic and it caught me off guard. We raided food storage for yummy soup,  and homemade bread with preserves and some of our fave cookies. I could tell when I brought it he was not impressed. I felt bad,  but did the best that I could.  This time it wasn't enough.....

I feel exhausted and discouraged. When I feel this way I am so very glad for the written words of my blessings. One I specifically went hunting for I knew talks about this very thing. Heavenly father knows I am a control freak. He reminded me to know when to let things go,  too know attempts at service are enough,  and to not let myself feel guilty or overwhelmed about the things that are out of my control.  I am so truly grateful for a husband who is always worthy to give those blessings,  and grateful for a loving father in heaven who knows me perfectly, and continues to answer every worry and every fear, and so truly grateful that those words are written down so that I can look to them on days like today. They have brought such comfort and peace, esp on extra rough days.

I know that things will eventually fall into place. It will be on the timing that is right,  but that isn't usually in our timing. This will be another practice at learning patience. One of many lessons I will be re-learning through this new trial. Tomorrow is a new day,  filled with sunshine and service opportunities. Tomorrow, come what may,  will be filled with many things,  and people,  to love.

Rory