Today I had the chance to see and visit with my PCP. I love her tons, we can laugh and cry and talk together. My time with her is always productive.
Today my appt mostly went well. She took tons of notes as I updated her about everything that has been happening, and we chatted about my labs and appts yesterday. Bummer deal is that I have 2 more labs that are off still. She isnt so happy about that. I will add her labs to the extra ones that I will be doing next week for oncology. I love that she is in constant contact with oncology dr and they are working together to make sure all my needs and concerns are being met.
Just as I was ready to go she gave me a super big hug and said sorry things are crummy. My response still seems to catch her, and others off guard. This was my response "Bad things happen to good people, that doesnt mean that good things dont happen in the midst of the bad things. There are blessings and tender mercies and miracles. There are." - She seemed surprised and said so, including that my comment gave her goosebumps. It seems to me that my perspective and comments really do surprise all of my caregivers, and others. I cant quite seem to figure out why though.....
I know that what I feel and say is true. Everywhere around me I can see the bounty of blessings that Heavenly Father is pouring out - it is having an incredible care team, it is daughters/son who run to the store to make sure I have foods that meet nutrition needs, who work tirelessly in the kitchen to make amazing meals, some just for me. It is driving for 30 min wishing I could stop to take picts of the thick borders of Queen Anne's Lace along the highway, and of the huge field golden with clover that has gone to seed, and of the bright blue sky. These things bring joy and beauty, and even on my most crummy day (like yesterday) they bring a smile and peace to my heart. It is a medical assistant who acts like I am the only patient she has and like we have all the time in the world. Her kindness and compassion brought tears of joy because I know that I am important to her. It is a husband who takes time to chat about appts even though he is still far away. It is a husband who cares enough to attend any and all of my appts to make sure he is up to date and to give me encouragement and support. It is having a comfy bed to crash in when I just cant manage anymore. There are more things than I can ever count. I know things are going to get harder, I know things are going to be gray, I know I am going to struggle with being a human pin cushion. There is opposition in all things, there is esp opposition now. On those days, I can remember all the good that is around me, and even if I cry and really struggle, I can say thank you for all the good people who give their friendship, love and support, for all the good surroundings that keep me safe and comfy, I can say thank you for my life and all of Heavenly Father's promises to me and to my family. Come what may, we will love this journey and we will continue to strive to climb upward and know that on the other side the view is going to be breathtaking!
Watch for more updates soon!
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